Why do men think Facebook is dating site. I tend to give everyone equal opportunity to become Facebook Friends, 3,810. Reminds me of pin ball. Since I don’t get out anymore, Facebook points will have to do.
What has developed has been a social science experiment. Why do men hit on women via Facebook. The patterns are unsettling. Of course, I don’t know who is behind the icon, the photo; it could be the same person over and over.
This is the third draft of this blog, I’ve added some guys since they keep jumping in. I’m sure eventually I’ll bore of the game, but right now it seems no harm no foul. They are giving me something to write about, and it’s not like I don’t tell them.
Today’s unsuspecting soul, perhaps meaningful, perhaps not, I don’t know intentions:
Chat Conversation Start
You’re friends on Facebook
Works at Pecos, New Mexico8:07PM
The conversation started off rather tame. I wasn’t helping the conversation. It didn’t take long for Mr Anthony Arguello to turn the heat up after I said Excellent:
“Good for you. I like older women, too. In fact, i have had the same one for 28 years. How old were you 28 years ago?”
If I had thought about it longer, I would have said that since it takes men so much longer to mature, going for a younger man would be asking for trouble. He’s not even ripe yet.
I’m not doing the math. I can’t count that high.
“Wow. Guess you will have to bark up another tree. If I ever went for younger, it still would not be you. Sorry.”
Okay folks. Could someone tell me what this means? The fellow must be desperate as he doesn’t give up.
” U are pretty lady”
I don’t remember the last time I was referred to as a lady. I could care less if he thought I were pretty, cute, adorable, the best thing since Sliced Bread. But if someone can’t take the time you write You or Your, I’m not interested. Maybe he can’t spell these words.
“I don’t know what you being my cowboy. If I am going to ride something, it’s going to be a horse. Do you not understand the concept of No Thank you. Time to move along little doggie.”
“It seems to be so many men’s fantasy to turn a Lesbian into a heterosexual. I don’t cheat. I’m married. Maybe I would have fun with you. But I’m never going to find out.”
“I appreciate you giving me something to blog about, but since I’m a teacher and I keep a G rated Blog, I gotta say Hasta La Vista.” ( I apologize for my phonetic Spanish. Maybe Friday at Dos Rios Elementary School, I can re-learn how to say good bye.
But he doesn’t give up:
“I’m bored. Have a good life. There are plenty of other women; maybe you can find someone as desperate as yourself.”
I keep throwing zingers at him. But he must be bored.
After he tries to impress me with an abbreviated description of his stature, which is probably the exact opposite of reality, I replied:
“I have a Masters in Education. I prefer to hang out with people who can write complete sentences.”
I don’t get too many chances to hurl insults at complete strangers. It is, giving me something to write about, so I will say he’s being useful even in a superficial way.
For every three of his words, some even spelled correctly, I write six times as many and in less time:
“I also like to hang out with people who can carry on an intelligent conversation and since most of your intelligence is below the waist, this really is a waste of time.”
Desperate people will say anything:
“Give me a chance with you k”
“I’ve got some reading to do. Maybe some reading would do you some good. Certainly couldn’t hurt at this point.”
In fact, maybe I ought to give him my blog address so he can read about himself.
As I said earlier, I really appreciate you giving me food for thought and something to blog about. Here’s my blog address so if you want to read my blog about you.
I started this blog last week, not realizing that I would be adding to it. I am starting to feel boredom creep in.
I hate to discriminate a gender, but when I add women I don’t know, I don’t get an email five seconds later, but I have been forced toI stop adding men who have just a few friends in common. Some of the friends in common are other questionable men.
And then the scientist in me kicks in and asks, Is there a connection here? What’s going on? How can I help stop the harassment. It’s almost like bullying except I ask for it. Maybe Facebook would do something. I do block most of the guys eventually. After I have collected the data.
Maybe there are people who are intrigued at this phenomenon and are intrigued, but I suppose my own curiosity will have to suffice. So many questions.
Why would these younger men be contacting a middle-age woman. The challenge? I’m now believing they are just trying to rattle my cage. The most recent of fellows is using a different strategy. I’ve not quite figured him out yet. I thought I would throw the conversation in here. I ignored his hellos, but he was persistent. Four tries before I lied and told him I was away from my computer. I am never away from any of the devices that keeps me plugged into the electronic world. It’s too bad the internet can’t feed me my vegetables and fruits while I am at it; I would be so healthy if that were the case.
New guy on the hook. Mr. Dennis Drake. I may just jump down the rabbit hole and see where this conversation leads:
Chat Conversation Start
You’re friends on Facebook
Sorry, I’ve been away from my computer.
ok hello how are you doing
Great. I’m not a chatty person, so chances are I’ll seldom reply. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.
No response for a while. My Social Science experiment will have to wait; perhaps I was able to steer Mr. Drake in a different direction. I ought to at least tell him that I am a Duck Fan.
(A day or two later and Mr. Drake is back. I thought that giving him a cold shoulder would chase him away. Nope. There must be a script somewhere that tells these guys what to say; the dialogue, the questions are almost identical.
Writing. Blogging about why do men think Faceook is a dating site. You?
Darren continued the conversation, so even after saying I was going to blog about him in a roundabout way, he didn’t flinch.
dont know any thing about that ok
At least you are giving me something to blog about. I appreciate this.
how old are you and where are you fro?
Maybe there’s a language barrier between Derek and myself. I haven’t answered any of his questions, but he’s got his head down and he’s adamant.
He’s not a bad looking guy, though it’s too bad the plane can’t bite his head off: Probably time to turn the life support off of this FBF.
Several days ago, I hd this unfortunate conversation. I ended up blocking the blockhead after he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’ve been deleting friendship requests of men who have no friends in common. But I don’t feel comfortable discriminating a segment of the population based on gender alone. The picture of the guy and his daughter is what caused me to put out one feeler, but this is some of the conversation.
Works at Mta Enterprises
Lives in Denver, Colorado
“Hi and thanks very much for accepting my friends request….”
I was up front right from the beginning in my response.
“I was reluctant. I’ve been deleting requests from males that I have no friends in common with. Nine out of ten times, the guys hit on me and that’s not what I use Facebook for. I’m not trolling for a partner. So, if a friendship is what you seek, we’ll proceed. Anything else, we’ll go our separate ways.”
Perhaps since I was upfront of what I was looking for, it made this conversation easier. Maybe. There are a few red flags that are popping up in my brain. His response to my up front and honest statement:
“okay my dear we can be good friend s my dear, and how are you doing today and hope you are in good health and condition over there?.”
I’m a bit oversensitive, but the words like dear or good friend. Now my questions, dear readers, is would someone from Colorado ask about the weather and use the phrase over there? Maybe I’ll ask him where he is from and see if he confirms his Facebook page…
Of course, I can’t just ask question when I start writing:
“We could start by being friends. It takes a while for me to warm up to strange men; sometimes I never do. I’m tired. A good friend died and her memorial was yesterday. It’s raining hard, so it’s a good day to stay inside and read/write/play with my dogs. Where do you live?”
He did confirm his residency is in Colorado, but I never let me guard down. Just because he says this, it doesn’t mean it’s not a ruse. A one-dimensional relationship is all that this is. t didn’t tell him to drop the dear; it’s not that big of a deal; it’s just not my favorite term of endearment. Sometimes I’m more sensitive to names than other times. I used to be offended when I was referred to as a guy, but I don’t like gal either. Sometimes I’ll ask students what they would like to be called as a group. I had one group of middlers that wanted to be called peeps, so I did. When we studied US history, I said we the Peeps instead of We the People.
Yesterday, one of my fellow Soromundi Lesbian Choir of Eugene member’s kept grumbling about being called a guy. Every time she would mutter about her not being a guy. She probably wasn’t the only one in the fifty-eight of us to be disappointed, but she was the only one I heard since she was sitting right next to me.
Back to the conversation. In response to my question of where he hails from. (I don’t know if that’s the correct form for that statement. Bex will let me know if I’ve messed up, won’t you?) He responded
“i reside here in Denver,Colorado and how about you my dear?”
Most of the time, people who ask me for a Facebook friendship tend to look at my Facebook page to figure out who I am, but it’s the trollers who tend to look at a photo and proceed without knowing a thing about me. Everything about me is on my Facebook page. If only the fishermen would take a second to look, they would realize they are fishing in the wrong pond. But maybe there’s a challenge. Maybe he knows I’m a lesbian, but likes to think he can persuade me to join the other team. Never have. Never will. And I don’t say never very often. I basically responded in a polite way:
“Perhaps you should take a gander at my Facebook page, but I live in Eugene. I had hoped to garden today, but it is pouring. How is your weather?”
“very well my dear and happy sunday, i went to church with my daughter today?…
Another red flag. He doesn’t answer my question about the weather. I’m assuming Colorado has some interesting weather happening. Snow perhaps. And why in the world would he end his statement with a question mark. Slip maybe. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. I want to include a picture of his beautiful daughter, but out of respect to her privacy, I’m withholding that. but I tell him,
“Your daughter is very pretty. Is her mom not in the picture?”
“no my dear i lost her mom 5 years ago due to breast can and ever since then it has been me and my lovely daughter and she has been my joy and she is so brilliant my dear…”
I haven’t quite decided if this is red flag territory. He’s not the first guy who has contacted me and given me the same story. Is it a story or is it for real?
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was twelve, so I can relate to what your daughter has experienced. She is lucky to have you.”
“yes my dear and me too i have been single for some time now since i lost mu late wife and it is really not easy been a single dad my dear…..”
By this time, I’m getting sick of the dear; talk about pouring it on. I ask him.
“Just out of curiosity, do you always use the word dear so much. I wouldn’t mind if that part of our conversation changed. I also wanted to let you know that I have included some of our conversation in my blog. You are looking a lot better than the other bloke who friended me, but I ended up blocking him.”
The dears do stop, but then lots of red flags went up with his response:
“okay so tell me are you married and do you have kids Susan?…”
Does it always have to go to this question and so quickly. I mentioned to him that I too had lost my mother when I was young, but he didn’t touch that statement. I told him to read my Facebook, but he either couldn’t be bothered or what.
I should at least tell him that his name will be in my blog and see if there’s a problem.
“Read my Facebook page. You can also read my blog. I use conversations like this for blogging material:.”
And the Saga continues. I accepted this guy’s friendship request and within a minute he started a conversation, but he didn’t hesitate and threw me loaded questions immediately.
Chat Conversation Start
You’re friends on Facebook
Lives in Asagı Nazilli, Aydin, Turkey
I don’t discuss private matters with people I don’t know.
Really? Is this guy for real? Why do men think Facebook is a site for picking women up. Or maybe I ought to think about why do I think it isn’t. I’m going to have to start to be very discriminating. Maybe it’s a language barrier, but this guy didn’t understand goodbye.
can i ask somethin
I don’t view Facebook as a place to pick up sexual partners. I’m going to have to say no to guys since Sex seems to be the only thing on your mind. Goodbye. Have a good life.
At least it is easy to delete and block people.
There doesn’t seem to be an end to men adding to my social experiment. This one, started last week. I’ve been ignoring him.
Chat Conversation Start
You’re friends on Facebook
Lives in Alabaster, Alabama
MAR 12TH, 7:07PM
hello darling..How are you doing??Hope you doing good…..am Moore I was doing through my search and I found your profile very interesting and attractive…I will very much happy and excited I get to know more about you…If you interested to know more about me too..you can text me…….hope to hear from you soon..kisses and hugs..be safe
Don’t get too excited. I am not excited.
what happen?life is too short than not to be happy with it
I am happy. What gave you the impression? You are not my Knight in shining armor. Maybe you should bark up another tree.
i will really love to be one
i will love to get to know u
Look. If you had spent rhirty seconds looking at my Facebook page, we would not be having this assinine conversation. Or maybe i am having a monologue. Do you understand yet or do i have to spell things out.
maybe you make it straight known to me
I AM GAY and TAken. Clear?
Fantastic. I was starting to worry about intelligence.
have alot of gay as friend
Read my facebook. Everything you want to know is there.
Hello….how are u today?seems u kind of busy or u don’t wanna talk
I don’t really like talking to people I don’t know.
Chat Conversation End
Maybe that’s the end of that conversation.
I’m definitely done with this experiment. I think it is more about people enjoying tormenting other people, men especially to women. This is just another form of abuse. I sure hate to think in terms of stereotypes, especially when I really don’t know if any of these guys are real. Have you ever had this happen to you? I’m sure most of you would say no; they aren’t as compulsive as I about collecting Facebook Friends and certainly don’t accept people they don’t know, male or female.
But I have met quite a quite a few very interesting friends that were complete strangers, male and female; so it’s not like I’m cutting off the other gender, so to speak. My good friend Jeff and I have known each other for many years, and I met him on a bowling chat group. We bowled a few National tournaments together. I’m not ready to throw the baby out with the bath water.