I don’t mind when GMC compares itself to a well put together person, but the hairs on the back of my neck go up when the reference applies to men. I know, men are supposed to signify both genders and it’s easier to say men and not men and women.

I have been hearing this my entire life. Don’t be so sensitive. It’s just a word. This is during the time when Feminism had grown into an out-of-control monster. Hysteria, you do realize, is a woman’s issue.

All of the issues I had been battling my entire life were validated when I took my first  women’s studies class at Lane Community College. Thanks Kate Barry, you showed me that I wasn’t crazy and fighting useless battles.

Has GMC been convinced that women won’t be buying their cars and should not cater to that category while advertising. Maybe the Greater Men’s Car statisticians are right. I know that I have test driven almost every  car manufacturer and have never even thought about testing a GMC. Come to think of it, I don’t think that I have ever met someone with a GMC. (Friends, please don’t be offended if I fail to remember you driving one of these things, but maybe that’s okay and you’re happier that I didn’t remember. Oh, my dad drove a Buick, is that close to the General Motor Corp. How can a business be the same thing as a dead thing?

What I don’t get is that women buy cars. There are a lot of us. My choir alone probably has 120 cars. (I don’t think I’m the only singer with two vehicles. One’s a dog car, so give me a break. They are not riding in the Mini.) Maybe they think that women don’t watch television. Maybe women don’t watch commercials? Maybe women don’t watch football, and that lame commercial was during the Miami Dolphin and New York Giants. Though, in this case, maybe the women saw that the Dolphins were playing and are going to stink up the place and they made a smarter move to do anything else. Going to the dentist would be a better choice than watch this football match. Can’t compare to the show New England put on against … I lost it. The team they played were so amazingly forgettable. JJ. JJ Watt and the Texans. I’ve got nothing against that team. I like the quarterback. Can’t remember his name, but he’s a good guy and a pretty good player. I only remember JJ because of that stupid commercial of him chopping wood in the forest. You know an ad is bad when you remember what happened in the ad, but you don’t remember why he was chopping wood. Oh, I remember. They compared his chopping ability to a better signal. If JJ stops chopping wood, does this mean the signal goes down? We know he plays football and can’t be out in the woods all day long. Or night? Does this service expect that nobody will be using their phone while Mr. Watts sleeps or does other things? And where does all the wood go.

Does anyone know the full rendition to Wood Chucks Chucking in the Woods?

It shouldn’t bug me that car commercials hardly ever have women behind the wheel. There is one where cars are driven on a ski course. The woman is going backwards and fast. She’s got a big grin on her face. I’m scared to drive backwards even when there’s nothing and no one for miles and miles away. I avoid backing up in parking lots. I can only do half parts of parallel parking. My depth perception is so bonky that I’m usually two feet from the curb. I can get away with that in my Mini since it takes up only half the space. And I don’t really have problems going backwards while driving my Mini. The biggest problem in the Subaru is that when I look in the rearview mirror, all I see is Abby’s reflection; if I turn around to look, then I get a face full of Ricky and Abby dog kisses; three Labradors have a way of putting up a good wall as well.

A while back I wrote how bummed I was when they compared Mia Hamm to a well-put together vehicle. I don’t think it was a GMC. Dodge does a good job rattling my cage, so it might have been them this time. Again, I don’t mind that comparison. I applaud the fact that they recognized her dedication to women’s soccer and keep her name in the spotlight, but she’s not even driving the car; some guy is. Problem her husband. That guy who took an hour  at the plate after each pitch. Great short stop and great guy, but Mr. Garciaparo, and I know I butchered that name, was the reason why the time clock was invented. Red Sox games were always twice as long as any other game, what with the picture needing to count to a hundred before every delivery. One one thousand. Two two thousand. Who  invented that way of counting to one hundred as if one, two, three takes too long? Maybe not long enough? Maybe too hard to remember?


I bought my Subaru because they have dogs in their commercials. It helps that they are very safe and have AWD, which I need in the hills. We are going to have snow soon. I can feel it. Yup, every joint is telling me. And my forester can hold lots and lots of bowling balls. I don’t  travel with 36 bowling balls to tournaments. I learned how to cut my selections down to just a dozen bowling balls. Hell, if you can’t figure out how to have just twelve balls to handle whatever strange oil pattern the bowling houses throw your way, you ought to not be in the sport.

Yesterday, while at Firs Bowl on River Road, I did a thing that if I didn’t get my average with handicap, I’d give the ball away, donate it to the junior league. I gave one away because one insert didn’t match the other and the Aftershock hadn’t been used in ten or sixteen years ago. I gave away the 3-D Hammer. I’ve got monocular vision, so I don’t know why I got it in the first place. It did put up some good numbers in it’s day, but my bowling balls, haven’t seen that day in a very long time.

There were people who wanted me to give them my Emerald Green Visionary Gargoyle. Bet you didn’t know that bowling balls come in really cool colors and names. After digging a thousand pieces of tape out of my Silence, I was able to bowl above my average; that Track ball has been one of the sweetest.

At least bowling ball manufacturers advertise to both genders. Perhaps not equally. Actually I’ve not seen bowling on television in so long i don’t even know if the advertising is still true.

My Mini Cooper probably could contain more than the two that I take to league every Friday night. Go Strike City on Highway 99. But the MC is my favorite. I love my Mini Cooper. I love everyone’s Mini Cooper. I’ve even grown accustomed to the Clubman with the four doors. I still don’t like the rounded roof. That’s the only thing that I want straight in my life. Much better looking.

Mini Coopers don’t need to advertise.


1 Comment

  1. Question: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    That was easy.

    Answer: A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

    That makes perfect sense!

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